Listening with Love

“I’ve never told anyone that story,” said my new friend to me as we sat in the St. Louis International Airport terminal waiting on our return flights home. I had just met “José” who had traveled all the way from Mexico three days earlier at a Catholic “world missions” conference and he was heading back to his home near Guadalajara. Besides getting to know each other a little between sessions, we both flew out the day after the conference ended and decided to spend our extra time sightseeing beautiful churches, going to mass, and of course visiting the St. Louis arch.

It was immediately obvious José loved his two teenage children—he talked about them often, showed me pictures of them on his phone, and was always on the lookout for gifts to bring home for them. What was less obvious that he shared over time is that his wife had divorced him eight years ago and he only got to spend time with his kids on certain weekends.

Even after so much time, the continued separation broke his heart and weighed on him constantly, something you wouldn’t be able to tell from the smile he normally wore. As I listened with tears in my eyes, I reflected humbly on the grace it was to sit with him in this deeply vulnerable space, not needing to say anything but simply listening with love and acknowledging the pain he felt.

We’ve probably all heard the terms “active” or “empathetic” listening, but what does that mean in a culture where we’re constantly communicating every waking hour with dozens of people via screens, sometimes while we’re even talking to another person in front of us? Perhaps a fitting image, thousands of people surrounded us where we sat talking in the bustling airport terminal, all communicating on phones and oblivious to the people around them.

Beyond “active” listening, the Lord has been stirring my heart to put down the phone and be more present to the person in front of me. Recent spiritual direction classes I am taking have especially emphasized the need to look at the person we are guiding with love, giving not only our attention but even seeking to enter into their feelings in order to communicate God’s love.

“Jesus looked at him and loved him.” – Mark 10:21

I admit, as a guy, I was initially a little skeptical of the touchy-feely way this sounded but the fruit has been undeniable. Strangers, old and new friends like José and even family, have been opening up and sharing more of what’s really on their hearts. This has helped me feel more connected and be more aware of my own feelings. Even if and perhaps especially when I don’t have the “right answer,” I can still give the gift of being present and simply listening with genuine love.

While this definitely feels hard at times and I still get selfishly caught up in the distractions of my own life, God is teaching me that this kind of loving attentiveness is only possible when I sit often and at length with Jesus in prayer, looking at Him with a loving attentiveness and letting Him look at me.

May God help us balance the ability to communicate with everyone all the time with the genuinely human need to connect individually and deeply; and may He continue to fill us with His healing love in prayer each day so that we can be poured out in love to the person in front of us.